Working with intrusive thoughts

It is all too easy to get caught up in an endless loop of thinking about things, particularly if you are feeling anxious, depressed or lonely.  These might be thoughts about a social situation or event, career plans, a mistake that just keeps playing on your mind or even persistent self-criticism.  Thoughts and emotions can … Continue reading Working with intrusive thoughts

The skill of partner selection part 2 – the wooly bit

The last post talked about relationship makers and dealbreakers – things that are pretty cut and dry.  This post is about the desires, preferences and minor annoyances that you can have much more flexibility about.  There is the squee factor - those things that make you wobbly in the knees and the grit factor - … Continue reading The skill of partner selection part 2 – the wooly bit

The skill of partner selection part 1 – the clear cut bit

I spent time last weekend with someone that was going on some first dates.  Jamie had a few disastrous relationships of late, and was trying not to repeat the mistakes that he had made.  We had a conversation about how you can do that, and I thought I'd share a few thoughts here. Given the huge … Continue reading The skill of partner selection part 1 – the clear cut bit

Getting what you want from dating: the why question

Different people have really different desires when it comes to dating, so getting what you want can be a challenge. My cousin and I are perfect examples of people that are on the opposite ends of a spectrum when it comes to dating interests. I am exclusively interested in non-monogamy, and at the moment I … Continue reading Getting what you want from dating: the why question

Five things to do when you’ve just been dumped

So, you didn't make a breakup plan, but your person broke up with you. What next? Here are 5 things to think about when your relationship has just ended: 1) Consider taking some time out of contact Lots of people want to stay friends with their ex, but in the immediate aftermath of the breakup … Continue reading Five things to do when you’ve just been dumped

Mapping your relationship constellation

Mapping relationship constellations can be fun, crafty, technical or artistic. It is a way of representing your relationships in pictorial form. You can do it in whatever way is meaningful to you. My relationship maps include people that I consider family of choice, romantic or sexual partners, intimate friends and people I feel especially close … Continue reading Mapping your relationship constellation