The joy of comet relationships – Part 1

Let's start at the beginning. 'Comet' isn't all that new to the poly lexicon, but I've found lots of people that are unfamiliar with the term, so I'm going to start with what it means. The More Than Two glossary defines a comet as: "An occasional lover who passes through one’s life semi-regularly, but without … Continue reading The joy of comet relationships – Part 1

5 reasons I love Dialectic Behaviour Therapy skills training for marginalised clients

Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT for short) is an approach that works with people on developing psychological skills that they can use in their day to day lives. Most people have three elements to their DBT work. These are skills training, 121 psychotherapy and between-session coaching. In this article, I am just focusing on the skills … Continue reading 5 reasons I love Dialectic Behaviour Therapy skills training for marginalised clients

Five ways to work with a social comedown

If you haven’t read the last post, you might want to start there, since it has a much longer definition of what a social comedown is. In brief, social comedowns consist of difficult thoughts, sensations, feelings and urges arising after socialising that often include ruminating over past distress and judging yourself for having a hard … Continue reading Five ways to work with a social comedown

5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

Breakups are hard, and if you have a close friend that is experiencing one, chances are you want to help them through. This is a guide to supporting your friend without tanking your own mental health. Let's face it, those of us that get called on to help when difficult things happen in people's lives … Continue reading 5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

5 reasons to get a breakup buddy (or two)

Even amicable breakups are difficult for most people. When a relationship ends there is an emotional and practical disentanglement from someone that has been important to you, perhaps even your most important person. Lots of people experience distress, loneliness, relief, longing, sadness, guilt and even shame. There is a person-sized hole in your life. There … Continue reading 5 reasons to get a breakup buddy (or two)

Boundaries: From the broken house to the fortress of solitude

When I was thinking about writing this piece I recalled a session that I went to on Boundaries at South West Love Fest in Tuscon last year. At that session, Diana Ryan talked about boundaries in terms of what a home would look like depending on how your boundaries were maintained. This was such a … Continue reading Boundaries: From the broken house to the fortress of solitude

What are boundaries anyway?

Boundaries are a really important part of all relationships, be they friendships, kinship, romantic or sexual. They help you to ensure that you are treating yourself and others with respect and dignity. Fundamentally, boundaries are about honestly and directly expressing the treatment you will and will not accept from others. This means being clear about … Continue reading What are boundaries anyway?

Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

Naturally enough, there are lots of things to pay attention to at different times in your relationship. This is just a prompt to think through some common things that come up at this stage: 1) Did your chemistry mask poor compatibility?     One of the reasons that the move from NRE to ERE can … Continue reading Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

From New Relationship Energy to Existing Relationship Energy

In this post and the next one I’m focusing on the shift from new relationship energy to existing relationship energy in relationships that are geographically close and where participants are a regular feature in each other’s lives. I am deliberately not talking about long-distance or comet relationships, which often have a different trajectory. I have … Continue reading From New Relationship Energy to Existing Relationship Energy