Conflict is awful, and we all find ways to cope with it. Many of us saw poor role models in our family of origin, and struggle to have healthy and productive conflict with our closest people. One of the reasons for this is that we have these inbuilt mechanisms for dealing with conflict that were … Continue reading What is your go-to coping behaviour in conflict?
Today's exercise is a brief one. It is about working out which values are relevant to conflict, and establish how effectively you currently live by your values in conflict situations. Many people, myself included, find it hardest to live by their values in situations of intense stress, distress or anxiety. It is much easier to … Continue reading Take stock of where you are now in relation to values
One of my favourite things on Meg-John Barkers blog is their work on opening up and closing down. They talk about lots of different topics in relation to this, most recently new relationship energy, and I think it is a great concept for thinking about what is going on in lots of different parts of … Continue reading Do your values open you up or close you down?
Many forms of psychotherapy suggest that people work with their own values to build a fulfilling life. Both Acceptance and Commitment therapy and Existential psychotherapy are particularly built around the idea that your own core values form an important foundation to creating a life worth living. Despite having a lot of time for these approaches, … Continue reading Working with your values in conflict
Conflict is a healthy part of relationships, and it can come in many different forms. It can be about simple household things when you share a home with friends or partners like doing the dishes, taking out the bin and the emotional meaning when someone doesn’t do those things. It can be about conflicting needs, … Continue reading How to have constructive conflict
I’m not a huge fan of brushing my teeth. I’ve found it boring and uncomfortable - probably because it has such intense sensations to it that I can’t avoid being in my body to feel them. In my move from avoiding sensations to embracing them, I decided that daily uncomfortable physical experiences could help me … Continue reading Mindful tooth brushing
For a long time, I found it really difficult to identify feelings in my body. If I looked for emotions I would find a tight ball at the top of my diaphragm, but giving it a label was impossible. I could be happy, scared, angry, excited, anxious or embarrassed and the same ball sat in … Continue reading Practicing awareness of sensations
Both Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas and Healing Sex by Staci Haines talk about the concept of a sexual permission slip. Given our culture around sex and consent, you might think that this would be a document written to outline what acts you give others permission to engage in with you, but you’d be … Continue reading Sexual permission slip
So, as you know NRE is exciting, but it can also burn down your life if you feed the flames too much. If you’re someone that is contemplating seeking new partners, then you’re in an excellent position to work out some guidelines for yourself that keep your action in line with your own values. I … Continue reading How to stop feeding new relationship energy
New relationship energy is so intoxicating that it can take over your life - for all the reasons I talked about in the last post. The person you just met can feel like the love of your life. “The One”. Someone you can’t live without. Parting from them can be intensely painful. A few of … Continue reading What are the signs NRE could be a problem?