De-escalating your distress during a break

We take breaks when we are very upset to down-regulate our emotions. The whole purpose of the break is to reduce the intensity of your emotional activation because that makes it much more likely that you can have a constructive conflict with the other person. Unfortunately, lots of us weren’t taught how to do this … Continue reading De-escalating your distress during a break

Communicating around breaks – Part 1 – making agreements about breaks in conflict

As I said in the first post, breaks are a controversial topic. That means that lots of people have really different views on whether or not breaks in conflict are even an OK thing to do. That means that there are two parts to communicating around breaks – the first is about having conversations that … Continue reading Communicating around breaks – Part 1 – making agreements about breaks in conflict

Working with emotional activation

In the last post, I talked about taking your emotional temperature, which is something I try to practice most days because it isn’t something that comes naturally to me. Nevertheless, I find it invaluable in helping me to notice and work with my emotions. As I have practised noticing my levels of emotional activation, I … Continue reading Working with emotional activation

5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

Breakups are hard, and if you have a close friend that is experiencing one, chances are you want to help them through. This is a guide to supporting your friend without tanking your own mental health. Let's face it, those of us that get called on to help when difficult things happen in people's lives … Continue reading 5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

Practicing awareness of sensations

For a long time, I found it really difficult to identify feelings in my body. If I looked for emotions I would find a tight ball at the top of my diaphragm, but giving it a label was impossible. I could be happy, scared, angry, excited, anxious or embarrassed and the same ball sat in … Continue reading Practicing awareness of sensations

The power of bystander intervention in domestic violence

Content warning: This post is about domestic violence and contains personal stories that could be triggering or upsetting to some people. Someone died, and I knew it was time to write this. She wasn't a friend of mine, but she was a friend of a friend. Too close for comfort. She was killed by her … Continue reading The power of bystander intervention in domestic violence