Communicating around breaks – Part 1 – making agreements about breaks in conflict

As I said in the first post, breaks are a controversial topic. That means that lots of people have really different views on whether or not breaks in conflict are even an OK thing to do. That means that there are two parts to communicating around breaks – the first is about having conversations that … Continue reading Communicating around breaks – Part 1 – making agreements about breaks in conflict

Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

Naturally enough, there are lots of things to pay attention to at different times in your relationship. This is just a prompt to think through some common things that come up at this stage: 1) Did your chemistry mask poor compatibility? One of the reasons that the move from NRE to ERE can … Continue reading Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

What is new relationship energy?

New relationships energy, also talked about as NRE, is the emotional experience at the beginning of a sexual and/or romantic relationship. While the term is most popular in poly communities, it is also a feature of the start of most monogamous relationships. It includes heightened emotional and sexual excitement, and sometimes obsessive thoughts and urges … Continue reading What is new relationship energy?

Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent

The wheel of consent is a revolutionary tool, and there is no way I could possibly explain it better than Betty Martin does here. Effectively the wheel of consent, as you see above, pulls apart any instance of touch into two axes. The first is about who is doing the touch, the second is about … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent

Negotiating sex – start with porn

It is impossible to negotiate sex, kink or sensuality without a degree of emotional risk and sharing porn with a partner is no exception. Telling someone else that you are into particular sexual or kinky activities can be scary and difficult, so however you decide to do it, give yourself some self-care around it. More … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with porn

Negotiating kink, sex and sensuality

This series talks about different ways to start negotiating sex, kink and sensuality.

Intentional relationships 3: deepening more distant relationships

If you did the first exercise in this series, you probably noticed that there were some relationships that you wanted to be closer than they currently are. Perhaps you would like more time with the other person, maybe you want to do more things with them. Some people might be work colleagues that you would … Continue reading Intentional relationships 3: deepening more distant relationships

Intentional relationships 2 – creating opportunities for new connections

The circumstance in which you start a new relationship with a friend, work colleague or lover is filled with a whole lot of chance. Even if you are a person that is intentionally creating opportunities to meet people with similar values/interests to form relationships with (like going to munches, board game meets, parent groups, church) … Continue reading Intentional relationships 2 – creating opportunities for new connections

Intentional relationships: An introduction

Relationships can be as much a matter of chance as intention. After all, your oldest friend is likely someone you met because your parents knew each other, you lived in the same street or went to the same primary school. Meeting someone and establishing a new connection depends on being in the right space, at … Continue reading Intentional relationships: An introduction