Take stock of where you are now in relation to values

Today's exercise is a brief one. It is about working out which values are relevant to conflict, and establish how effectively you currently live by your values in conflict situations. Many people, myself included, find it hardest to live by their values in situations of intense stress, distress or anxiety. It is much easier to … Continue reading Take stock of where you are now in relation to values

Negotating sex – start with feelings

For some people starting with how you want to feel will seem really fluffy and not particularly helpful, but many people find starting with how you would like to feel really illuminating. For me, starting with feelings is a great tool to use in established relationships where you have previously enjoyed kinky play. ┬áIt can … Continue reading Negotating sex – start with feelings

Intentional relationships 3: deepening more distant relationships

If you did the first exercise in this series, you probably noticed that there were some relationships that you wanted to be closer than they currently are. Perhaps you would like more time with the other person, maybe you want to do more things with them. Some people might be work colleagues that you would … Continue reading Intentional relationships 3: deepening more distant relationships

Five things to think about when you make a breakup plan with someone you’re dating

Breakup plans are all about leaving relationships in a way that is kind, considerate and leaves everyone's dignity intact. Working out how to design your own plan that works for the individuals that you are is central to knowing how to initiate, receive and work your way through a breakup

Five ways to queer relationships.

There are a lot of norms when it comes to relationship, so naturally there are also lots of ways to queer your relationships. Other writers have covered many of them in much more details. I still think it is worth outlining some ideas. Who knows, it may inspire you! 1) Value, prioritise and categorise your … Continue reading Five ways to queer relationships.

Approaching relationships and connections with others queerly, and understanding them within the framework of queer theory or activism.

It isn't really possible to give a few line introduction to queer theory because it is a large and diverse field. Nevertheless there are a couple of concepts that are really important, and that matter to engaging in relationship queering. These are: 1) We are raised with particular ideas of what constitutes maleness, femaleness and … Continue reading Approaching relationships and connections with others queerly, and understanding them within the framework of queer theory or activism.

Relationshipqueer

I don't know who coined the term 'relationshipqueer', but on hearing it the concept simply made sense. We are already graced with terms such as genderqueer and neuroqueer, expanding the range of queerness away from sexuality into gender and neurology. Relationshipqueer takes its place amongst these terms to label a way of doing relationships that … Continue reading Relationshipqueer