Boundaries: From the broken house to the fortress of solitude

When I was thinking about writing this piece I recalled a session that I went to on Boundaries at South West Love Fest in Tuscon last year. At that session, Diana Ryan talked about boundaries in terms of what a home would look like depending on how your boundaries were maintained. This was such a … Continue reading Boundaries: From the broken house to the fortress of solitude

What are boundaries anyway?

Boundaries are a really important part of all relationships, be they friendships, kinship, romantic or sexual. They help you to ensure that you are treating yourself and others with respect and dignity. Fundamentally, boundaries are about honestly and directly expressing the treatment you will and will not accept from others. This means being clear about … Continue reading What are boundaries anyway?

Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

Naturally enough, there are lots of things to pay attention to at different times in your relationship. This is just a prompt to think through some common things that come up at this stage: 1) Did your chemistry mask poor compatibility?     One of the reasons that the move from NRE to ERE can … Continue reading Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

From New Relationship Energy to Existing Relationship Energy

In this post and the next one I’m focusing on the shift from new relationship energy to existing relationship energy in relationships that are geographically close and where participants are a regular feature in each other’s lives. I am deliberately not talking about long-distance or comet relationships, which often have a different trajectory. I have … Continue reading From New Relationship Energy to Existing Relationship Energy

What is new relationship energy?

New relationships energy, also talked about as NRE, is the emotional experience at the beginning of a sexual and/or romantic relationship. While the term is most popular in poly communities, it is also a feature of the start of most monogamous relationships. It includes heightened emotional and sexual excitement, and sometimes obsessive thoughts and urges … Continue reading What is new relationship energy?

Things to consider when meeting your metamour

Meeting metamours can be wonderful, scary, heartwarming, anxiety producing and all kinds of other things. How you feel about it is likely affected by the kind of relationship that you are in, how secure you are feeling and what you have heard about the other person. Before you make plans to meet up, it is … Continue reading Things to consider when meeting your metamour

5 wonderful things about slow relationship beginnings

I haven't always been a fan of slow relationships - the joys of falling deeply in lust with people upon meeting them have not entirely escaped me. I love the tummy churning excitement of first dates, the 'did she like me too' questions and even the other person’s intrusion into my thoughts on a more … Continue reading 5 wonderful things about slow relationship beginnings

How private is your sex life?

Content warning: mention of sexual violence and consent violation Unbeknownst to me someone has been spying on my sex life - and they might have been spying on yours too.  We-vibe created what looked to be an excellent entry in to the world of long distance relationships when they developed their we-vibe 4.  It is … Continue reading How private is your sex life?

Five ways to queer relationships.

There are a lot of norms when it comes to relationship, so naturally there are also lots of ways to queer your relationships. Other writers have covered many of them in much more details. I still think it is worth outlining some ideas. Who knows, it may inspire you! 1) Value, prioritise and categorise your … Continue reading Five ways to queer relationships.

Approaching relationships and connections with others queerly, and understanding them within the framework of queer theory or activism.

It isn't really possible to give a few line introduction to queer theory because it is a large and diverse field. Nevertheless there are a couple of concepts that are really important, and that matter to engaging in relationship queering. These are: 1) We are raised with particular ideas of what constitutes maleness, femaleness and … Continue reading Approaching relationships and connections with others queerly, and understanding them within the framework of queer theory or activism.