Who am I?

Cartoon picture of Sophia Graham sat in a comfy armchair next to a fire.

I’m a sex and relationship geek and have made that interest into a career as an educator & coach. I work with a range of clients, including sex workers, performers, kinksters, neuroqueers, and people across the gender, sexual and relationship diversity spectrum. That means my clients are cis and trans; women, men and non-binary folks; people that are monogamous and non-monogamous; autistic and allistic; sexual and asexual, disabled and non-disabled.

I’ve been curious about people and power for as long as I can remember, and my curiosity led me through a PhD looking at how precarious workers found ways to express discontent when they had no legal rights. I wanted to know more about the structures that constrain and empower people. I learned a lot, and after 12 years in academia decided that business schools weren’t going to teach me more. I’d already got experience as a sex educator, having run workshops on enthusiastic and embodied consent as well as rope skills. I built on existing skills completing my post-graduate diploma in Counselling to become more effective doing the work I realised that I loved the most.

Image by Daniella Bella

My approach assumes that my clients are the expert in their lives. I’ve learned a lot about how to have conversations that can be healing. I’ve got some tools that help people cope better with problems in their lives. What I’m not is a superhuman that is somehow evolved in all matters personal and relational. I do not see myself as obviously ahead of you in your journey – instead, I see us as on opposite sides of a valley, each climbing our own mountain. My vantage point as an outsider in your life might help me to have a perspective that you don’t. I might be able to point out a handhold ahead of you, or that your pick is dangerously placed. This can help you to interrogate assumptions, work out how you feel about situations that you are in, find your way through the challenges of being human in a world that is frequently invalidating and unfair. I also teach lots of skills that can be useful in navigating emotions, distressing events and challenging interpersonal relationships.

I recognise that my subject position is important to the work that I do. I sit at the intersection of privileges and disprivileges. To name a few, I’m a settled, white, queer, disabled woman presently living on unceded Massachusett land. I am middle class with educatonal privilege (see next paragraph). I’m an immigrant, presently going through an immigration process.

Logo for The Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists

I have a BA, MA and PhD in Human Resource Management. I’ve completed a Post Graduate diploma in Counselling and specific training in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.  I am a professional member of The Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists (ASIS) and comply with their ethical code. I undertake regular professional development, including recent training in gender and sexual diversity, polyamory, consensual non-monogamy, out of control sexual behaviour, consent, and relationship challenges around neurodiversity.

APAC approved trusted businessI’m approved by the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) and have committed to working in line with their standards for supporting adult performers and sex workers.