I’m a sex and relationship geek and have made that interest into a career as an educator, coach and therapist. I work with a range of clients, including sex workers, performers, kinksters, neuroqueers, and people across the gender, sexual and relationship diversity spectrum. That means my clients are cis and trans; women, men and non-binary folks; people that are monogamous and non-monogamous; autistic and allistic; sexual and asexual, disabled and non-disabled.
I’ve been curious about people and power for as long as I can remember, and my curiosity led me through a PhD looking at how precarious workers found ways to express discontent when they had no legal rights. I wanted to know more about the structures that constrain and empower people. I learned a lot, and after 12 years in academia decided that business schools weren’t going to teach me more. I’d already experience as a sex educator, having run workshops on enthusiastic and embodied consent as well as rope skills. I retrained as a psychotherapist so that I could do more of the work I realised that I loved the most.
My approach to therapy assumes that my clients are the expert in their lives. I’ve learned a lot about how to have conversations that can be healing. I’ve even got some tools that might help people with what they are dealing with. What I’m not is a superhuman that is somehow evolved in all matters personal and relational. I do not see myself as obviously ahead of you in your journey – instead, I see us as on opposite sides of a valley, each climbing our own mountain. My vantage point as an outsider in your life might help me to have a perspective that you don’t. I might be able to point out a handhold ahead of you, or that your pick is dangerously placed. This can help you to interrogate assumptions, work out how you feel about situations that you are in, find your way through the challenges of being human in a world that is frequently invalidating and unfair. What I can’t do is decide how you act on that information.
I am accepting new clients into my DBT skills groups, and you can join the mailing list to hear about new courses here. Dialectic Behaviour Therapy skills are really helpful in learning to create a life worth living. One of my favourite things about DBT is the starting point that we don’t create all our problems, but we have to deal with them anyway. It is built on understanding that invalidating social environments are a major contributor to distress and problems of living. Fundamentally, DBT is just about learning new skills so you have more options when life gets hard. The skills are grouped into 4 areas: mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness and distress tolerance. You can find out more about DBT here and fuller information about my DBT skills groups here. You can sign up for the skills group here.
You’re welcome to use this website in lots of ways. You can simply use it to find my contact details to join my waiting list. I have a page which contains lots of resources that you might like to check out, and I’ve written about topics like creating a user guide, relationshipqueeress, cheap dates, breakup plans, self-consent, boundaries and depression in my blog. Feel free to take a peek.
I only work with adults, so if you are a teenager looking for advice on sex and relationship I’d suggest you start with Bish or the Scarleteen blog or getting in touch with a helpline specifically focused on working with teens, such as Teen Helpline. If you are a teenager looking for support with LGBT issues, in the UK you can contact The LGBT+ Helpline, and in Ireland you can contact BeLongTo.