Cartoon picture of Sophia Graham sat in a comfy armchair next to a fire.

I want to live in a world where people are free to be themselves, and have connected, close and affirming relationships.

I work with social misfits of all stripes – goths, geeks and kinksters; folks with quirky brains who historically had a hard time finding their community – to create open relationships that center authenticity, intimacy, curiosity, connection and pleasure.

From time to time we all endure crises, we fall into familiar but ineffective patterns, we sabotage relationships even/especially when we deeply love people. We have good intentions, but those aren’t always enough. We need to develop the skills to cope with distress, process our emotions effectively and have authentic and balanced interpersonal interactions.

My goal is to empower you to face the patterns and insecurities that are limiting your relationships, and to teach you the skills to address these challenges.

I believe in your ability to build intimacy and co-create authentic, fulfilling and exciting relationships.

Join me at the International Consent Culture Festival at 2pm EST November 21st when I’ll be presenting a workshop on “Developing self consent: unlearning conditioning limiting real choice.” Find out more about the workshop and sign up for a ‘pay what you wish’ ticket here. 


Ways to work with me:

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Helping folks to identify their goals, and build the skills to move towards them. Encouraging people to live their best embodied and intentional lives.

Relationship Coaching

 I am currently accepting new clients who wish to work with me on a regular basis. My coaching rates for a 50 minute session are $120 (£90). I offer a free 30 minute initial session.

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Dialectical behaviour therapy skills training provides the opportunity to improve our ability to cope with crises, understand and manage emotions and enhance interpersonal relationships
DBT helps us build a life worth living.

Skills for relationships

I teach groups of people skills for surviving crises, processing emotions effectively and navigating interpersonal relationship.

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Self consent
The radical act of tuning in to & showing up for your needs, desires, limits and boundaries.
A powerful declaration:
I am on my side, I am on my side.

Self Consent

I offer workshops that help people to be more connected to their emotions, desires, boundaries and needs. These classes help people to treat themselves more consensually and to have more intentional and authentic relationships with others.

I can’t wait to learn something together.

If you’re hoping to sink your teeth into the work straight away, you will find many resources on my website ready to help you.

If you’re hoping to build skills to support your non monogamous relationships, I’d recommend checking out my posts on conflict skills, writing your user manual and conflicts with metamours. If you or your partner is at the start of a new relationship, you might find my series of posts on new relationship energy (NRE) useful, or the sometimes bumpy transition from new to existing relationship energy. It could also be useful read about how much I love slow starts to relationships, and how to slow things down at the beginning of your relationship. Oh yes, and no section in building relationship skills would be complete without suggesting you consider making a breakup plan. 

I really love working on building more consensual relationships with ourselves, as a building block to creating more authentic and connecting relationships with others. You can find a whole series of posts on self consent with a week of daily exercises here.

If you’re here to work on coping with emotions, I’ve written quite a bit about that too! You can find some useful exercises on taking your emotional temperature and what to do with different intensities of emotions. There are some resources for coping with intense emotions, intrusive thoughts and crises. You can learn more about this by joining one of my courses.

I only work with adults, so if you are a teenager looking for advice on sex and relationship I’d suggest you start with Bish or the Scarleteen blog or getting in touch with a helpline specifically focused on working with teens, such as Teen Helpline. If you are a teenager looking for support with LGBT issues, in the UK you can contact The LGBT+ Helpline, and in Ireland you can contact BeLongTo.