The last post gave an overview of comet relationships, so you might want to go back and read that if you haven’t already. Here I am talking about how comet relationships help with self-consent, so I’ll start with a working definition of comet relationships: “A comet is a person that passes through your life repeatedly … Continue reading 5 reasons comet relationships are awesome for self-consent (Comets Part 2)
When I was thinking about writing this piece I recalled a session that I went to on Boundaries at South West Love Fest in Tuscon last year. At that session, Diana Ryan talked about boundaries in terms of what a home would look like depending on how your boundaries were maintained. This was such a … Continue reading Boundaries: From the broken house to the fortress of solitude
Boundaries are a really important part of all relationships, be they friendships, kinship, romantic or sexual. They help you to ensure that you are treating yourself and others with respect and dignity. Fundamentally, boundaries are about honestly and directly expressing the treatment you will and will not accept from others. This means being clear about … Continue reading What are boundaries anyway?
Both Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas and Healing Sex by Staci Haines talk about the concept of a sexual permission slip. Given our culture around sex and consent, you might think that this would be a document written to outline what acts you give others permission to engage in with you, but you’d be … Continue reading Sexual permission slip
The wheel of consent is a revolutionary tool, and there is no way I could possibly explain it better than Betty Martin does here. Effectively the wheel of consent, as you see above, pulls apart any instance of touch into two axes. The first is about who is doing the touch, the second is about … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent
For most of us, a part of life is having to do difficult things that in an ideal world we would rather aviod. The last post acknowledged that sometimes it can be impossible to avoid things we don't want to do. This one offers an exercise for working out how to look after yourself when … Continue reading Self consent: Self care when you have to do something hard.
Treating ourselves consensually isn’t always about avoiding the things our bodies say a loud ‘no’ to. Afterall, sometimes we just have to do things we don’t want to, and sometimes the alternative is more unappealing. We can find things difficult and unpleasant and still give our informed consent to them. Nevertheless, working out that you’re … Continue reading Self consent: when we have to do things we don’t want to
If you have spent time working through this week’s posts, then you will have the experience of writing, imagining and doing things while tuning into your body’s response. Today’s task is about working out how to fit that awareness into your wider life. This means making sure that a self consent practice works for you. … Continue reading Self consent day 7: Making time
Today I invite you to read through the instructions before starting. That way you will know what you’re going to be doing before you get started. Looking at your list, find something that you could do today – whether it is a sporting activity, listening to a song, watching a film or cuddling a pet … Continue reading Self Consent day 6 – experiencing yes
When you vividly imagine something that you want to say ‘no’ to it can be hard to move your attention after to something more pleasant. Before you start this time, figure out what you’d like to do after this exercise. You might find it helpful to go through yesterdays exercise about imagining yes before you … Continue reading Self consent day 5: Imagining no