I love to find different ways of exploring my sexuality because each new approach seems to bring up new desires, new perspectives or new ways of talking about what I want with people I enjoy sex with. I delight in that exploration, especially when it increases my connection with the people I love. This approach …
Negotiating sex (and kink): map your erotic values Read More »
Both Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas and Healing Sex by Staci Haines talk about the concept of a sexual permission slip. Given our culture around sex and consent, you might think that this would be a document written to outline what acts you give others permission to engage in with you, but you’d be …
First-time sex with a new partner can be electric and full of lovely exciting hormones. While many people feel great about the first time/hookup sex they have, many others struggle with feeling like they didn’t express their needs, boundaries or desires and come away feeling triggered, sad or ashamed of what happened. If you already …
The context in which sex takes place is often central to people feeling emotionally and physically safe as well as aroused. There are a lot of ways to work out the contexts that you feel most comfortable in, but I am going to make three suggestions: Reflect on your experiences Working out what contexts have …
For some people starting with how you want to feel will seem really fluffy and not particularly helpful, but many people find starting with how you would like to feel really illuminating. For me, starting with feelings is a great tool to use in established relationships where you have previously enjoyed kinky play. It can …
