We take breaks when we are very upset to down-regulate our emotions. The whole purpose of the break is to reduce the intensity of your emotional activation because that makes it much more likely that you can have a constructive conflict with the other person. Unfortunately, lots of us weren’t taught how to do this … Continue reading De-escalating your distress during a break
Category: mindfulness
Three tips for managing the anxiety of an empty diary
Over the last two weeks, lots of my clients have been telling me that they are having trouble with the change of pace that has been forced on every one that isn’t an ‘essential’ worker. For many people, this means moving from a 9-5 routine to having enormous amounts of free time, but no activities … Continue reading Three tips for managing the anxiety of an empty diary
5 thoughts about polyamory and the COVID-19 pandemic
** Written in mid March 2020 I guess I’m a little late to the party in writing this, since the outbreak has been ongoing for some months now with closed borders and lockdowns happening in some countries, but I thought I’d add my two cents as a sex and relationship educator. 1. Poly folks already … Continue reading 5 thoughts about polyamory and the COVID-19 pandemic
Three exercises for noticing small emotions
Historically, I wasn’t very good at noticing emotions when they are small. In fact, for the longest time I really only noticed emotions when they became too overwhelming to ignore. This was not an effective strategy. It led to really painful interpersonal conflict and meant I spent a lot of time running away from emotional … Continue reading Three exercises for noticing small emotions
Working with emotional activation
In the last post, I talked about taking your emotional temperature, which is something I try to practice most days because it isn’t something that comes naturally to me. Nevertheless, I find it invaluable in helping me to notice and work with my emotions. As I have practised noticing my levels of emotional activation, I … Continue reading Working with emotional activation
Taking your emotional temperature
So, I’ve been spending more and more time feeling into my emotions, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the way I was taught to understand emotions as a younger person was dangerously wrong. You see, I was taught that emotions could be understood on a scale from sad to happy (and that you should … Continue reading Taking your emotional temperature
5 reasons I love Dialectic Behaviour Therapy skills training for marginalised clients
Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT for short) is an approach that works with people on developing psychological skills that they can use in their day to day lives. Most people have three elements to their DBT work. These are skills training, 121 psychotherapy and between-session coaching. In this article, I am just focusing on the skills … Continue reading 5 reasons I love Dialectic Behaviour Therapy skills training for marginalised clients
Five ways to work with a social comedown
If you haven’t read the last post, you might want to start there, since it has a much longer definition of what a social comedown is. In brief, social comedowns consist of difficult thoughts, sensations, feelings and urges arising after socialising that often include ruminating over past distress and judging yourself for having a hard … Continue reading Five ways to work with a social comedown
What are boundaries anyway?
Boundaries are a really important part of all relationships, be they friendships, kinship, romantic or sexual. They help you to ensure that you are treating yourself and others with respect and dignity. Fundamentally, boundaries are about honestly and directly expressing the treatment you will and will not accept from others. This means being clear about … Continue reading What are boundaries anyway?
Mindful tooth brushing
I’m not a huge fan of brushing my teeth. I’ve found it boring and uncomfortable - probably because it has such intense sensations to it that I can’t avoid being in my body to feel them. In my move from avoiding sensations to embracing them, I decided that daily uncomfortable physical experiences could help me … Continue reading Mindful tooth brushing
