Category: Uncategorized

5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

Breakups are hard, and if you have a close friend that is experiencing one, chances are you want to help them through. This is a guide to supporting your friend without tanking your own mental health. Let's face it, those of us that get called on to help when difficult things happen in people's lives … Continue reading 5 ways to be a good breakup buddy

5 reasons to get a breakup buddy (or two)

Even amicable breakups are difficult for most people. When a relationship ends there is an emotional and practical disentanglement from someone that has been important to you, perhaps even your most important person. Lots of people experience distress, loneliness, relief, longing, sadness, guilt and even shame. There is a person-sized hole in your life. There … Continue reading 5 reasons to get a breakup buddy (or two)

Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

Naturally enough, there are lots of things to pay attention to at different times in your relationship. This is just a prompt to think through some common things that come up at this stage: 1) Did your chemistry mask poor compatibility?     One of the reasons that the move from NRE to ERE can … Continue reading Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.

What fears must I face to take value-based actions rather than coping behaviours?

There are often legitimate fears that make it hard to act in line with our values. Afterall, we develop coping behaviours for a reason. It is usually because they were helpful to us at some time in the past. Perhaps we didn’t have control of a situation and withdrawal was a sensible solution in order … Continue reading What fears must I face to take value-based actions rather than coping behaviours?

How to have constructive conflict

Conflict is a healthy part of relationships, and it can come in many different forms. It can be about simple household things when you share a home with friends or partners like doing the dishes, taking out the bin and the emotional meaning when someone doesn’t do those things. It can be about conflicting needs, … Continue reading How to have constructive conflict

How to stop feeding new relationship energy

So, as you know NRE is exciting, but it can also burn down your life if you feed the flames too much. If you’re someone that is contemplating seeking new partners, then you’re in an excellent position to work out some guidelines for yourself that keep your action in line with your own values. I … Continue reading How to stop feeding new relationship energy

What are the signs NRE could be a problem?

New relationship energy is so intoxicating that it can take over your life - for all the reasons I talked about in the last post. The person you just met can feel like the love of your life. “The One”. Someone you can’t live without. Parting from them can be intensely painful. A few of … Continue reading What are the signs NRE could be a problem?

Self consent: Self care when you have to do something hard.

For most of us, a part of life is having to do difficult things that in an ideal world we would rather aviod.  The last post  acknowledged that sometimes it can be impossible to avoid things we don't want to do. This one offers an exercise for working out how to look after yourself when … Continue reading Self consent: Self care when you have to do something hard.

How to intervene as a bystander concerned about domestic violence

My last post gave some history and background about why I decided I needed to write about how to intervene when you're afraid someone is experiencing domestic violence.  Here I'm just going to talk about what to do.  This post is gendered and does talk about women that experience domestic violence because that is my experience. … Continue reading How to intervene as a bystander concerned about domestic violence