Negotiating sex – make a sexy venn diagram

This one is going to be quick and easy to explain. Sit down with your partner and a set of sticky notes or small bits of paper. Write all the sexual or kinky acts that you can think of on separate sheets (or just in a long list if you prefer). You can come up with your own list, or follow a link to a yes/no/maybe list in a previous post for ideas.

Then go through them one at a time and add them to your sexy venn diagram (you can draw one yourself or use this one I made earlier). If one of you likes the activity then it goes in their part of the circle, if it is an activity that you want to share then it goes in the intersection of the two circles. Put each activity into at least one part of the venn diagram (afterall, there may be some activities that you need to double up on because you both like them but not with each other). Take the time to explore together what is arousing about each activity you’d like to share.

You can add a twist to this activity by making your own sexy/kinky game. Do this by putting all the ideas that you enjoy with each other into a bag and drawing 2-3 out each time you want to have sexy times. This can act as a starting point for talking about what you are going to do – because sometimes the ideas you pull out will be exactly what you both want to do, and other times they will be totally not what you’re up for. Whichever way it does, it is a way to get out of a pattern of doing old favourites and to ensure that you think about whether you want to do some of the varied stuff you enjoy together. Making a game out of sexual negotiation can be liberating and help you to take sex less seriously. So what’s stopping you?

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