Conflict is awful, and we all find ways to cope with it. Many of us saw poor role models in our family of origin, and struggle to have healthy and productive conflict with our closest people. One of the reasons for this is that we have these inbuilt mechanisms for dealing with conflict that were … Continue reading What is your go-to coping behaviour in conflict?
Today's exercise is a brief one. It is about working out which values are relevant to conflict, and establish how effectively you currently live by your values in conflict situations. Many people, myself included, find it hardest to live by their values in situations of intense stress, distress or anxiety. It is much easier to … Continue reading Take stock of where you are now in relation to values
One of my favourite things on Meg-John Barkers blog is their work on opening up and closing down. They talk about lots of different topics in relation to this, most recently new relationship energy, and I think it is a great concept for thinking about what is going on in lots of different parts of … Continue reading Do your values open you up or close you down?
So, as you know NRE is exciting, but it can also burn down your life if you feed the flames too much. If you’re someone that is contemplating seeking new partners, then you’re in an excellent position to work out some guidelines for yourself that keep your action in line with your own values. I … Continue reading How to stop feeding new relationship energy
New relationship energy is so intoxicating that it can take over your life - for all the reasons I talked about in the last post. The person you just met can feel like the love of your life. “The One”. Someone you can’t live without. Parting from them can be intensely painful. A few of … Continue reading What are the signs NRE could be a problem?
New relationships energy, also talked about as NRE, is the emotional experience at the beginning of a sexual and/or romantic relationship. While the term is most popular in poly communities, it is also a feature of the start of most monogamous relationships. It includes heightened emotional and sexual excitement, and sometimes obsessive thoughts and urges … Continue reading What is new relationship energy?
Think you have a problem with a metamour? Actually, it might be closer to home...
A good friend of mine has been exploring her tantric side. She met someone on a tantra course and really enjoyed spending time with him. She loved the long walks, reading books to him and increasingly intimate connection and cuddles. She loved holding hands, shared meals and conversations that included deep vulnerability. From the outset, … Continue reading Just because your desires and expectations are more commonplace, doesn’t mean they are more valid than mine.
If you’re anything like me, the first flush of new connection with someone is so exciting that you want to dive right in. Having said that, if you read the last article, you’ll know that I prefer to take things slowly. As a result, in some new relationships I’ve needed to find ways to slow … Continue reading 5 ways to slow down the start of a relationship
I haven't always been a fan of slow relationships - the joys of falling deeply in lust with people upon meeting them have not entirely escaped me. I love the tummy churning excitement of first dates, the 'did she like me too' questions and even the other person’s intrusion into my thoughts on a more … Continue reading 5 wonderful things about slow relationship beginnings