In this post and the next one I’m focusing on the shift from new relationship energy to existing relationship energy in relationships that are geographically close and where participants are a regular feature in each other’s lives. I am deliberately not talking about long-distance or comet relationships, which often have a different trajectory. I have … Continue reading From New Relationship Energy to Existing Relationship Energy
There are often legitimate fears that make it hard to act in line with our values. Afterall, we develop coping behaviours for a reason. It is usually because they were helpful to us at some time in the past. Perhaps we didn’t have control of a situation and withdrawal was a sensible solution in order … Continue reading What fears must I face to take value-based actions rather than coping behaviours?
If you have worked through the last few posts you will have identified your values, checked that they really are values, worked out how effectively you act in line with them in conflict and figured out how you behave in conflict when you are really not doing well. As you have probably guessed by now, … Continue reading What value-based actions would you like to be able to take in conflict?
Conflict is awful, and we all find ways to cope with it. Many of us saw poor role models in our family of origin, and struggle to have healthy and productive conflict with our closest people. One of the reasons for this is that we have these inbuilt mechanisms for dealing with conflict that were … Continue reading What is your go-to coping behaviour in conflict?
Today's exercise is a brief one. It is about working out which values are relevant to conflict, and establish how effectively you currently live by your values in conflict situations. Many people, myself included, find it hardest to live by their values in situations of intense stress, distress or anxiety. It is much easier to … Continue reading Take stock of where you are now in relation to values
One of my favourite things on Meg-John Barkers blog is their work on opening up and closing down. They talk about lots of different topics in relation to this, most recently new relationship energy, and I think it is a great concept for thinking about what is going on in lots of different parts of … Continue reading Do your values open you up or close you down?
Many forms of psychotherapy suggest that people work with their own values to build a fulfilling life. Both Acceptance and Commitment therapy and Existential psychotherapy are particularly built around the idea that your own core values form an important foundation to creating a life worth living. Despite having a lot of time for these approaches, … Continue reading Working with your values in conflict
So, as you know NRE is exciting, but it can also burn down your life if you feed the flames too much. If you’re someone that is contemplating seeking new partners, then you’re in an excellent position to work out some guidelines for yourself that keep your action in line with your own values. I … Continue reading How to stop feeding new relationship energy
New relationship energy is so intoxicating that it can take over your life - for all the reasons I talked about in the last post. The person you just met can feel like the love of your life. “The One”. Someone you can’t live without. Parting from them can be intensely painful. A few of … Continue reading What are the signs NRE could be a problem?
New relationships energy, also talked about as NRE, is the emotional experience at the beginning of a sexual and/or romantic relationship. While the term is most popular in poly communities, it is also a feature of the start of most monogamous relationships. It includes heightened emotional and sexual excitement, and sometimes obsessive thoughts and urges … Continue reading What is new relationship energy?