For a long time, I found it really difficult to identify feelings in my body. If I looked for emotions I would find a tight ball at the top of my diaphragm, but giving it a label was impossible. I could be happy, scared, angry, excited, anxious or embarrassed and the same ball sat in … Continue reading Practicing awareness of sensations
Both Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas and Healing Sex by Staci Haines talk about the concept of a sexual permission slip. Given our culture around sex and consent, you might think that this would be a document written to outline what acts you give others permission to engage in with you, but you’d be … Continue reading Sexual permission slip
The wheel of consent is a revolutionary tool, and there is no way I could possibly explain it better than Betty Martin does here. Effectively the wheel of consent, as you see above, pulls apart any instance of touch into two axes. The first is about who is doing the touch, the second is about … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent
This series talks about different ways to start negotiating sex, kink and sensuality.
For most of us, a part of life is having to do difficult things that in an ideal world we would rather aviod. The last post acknowledged that sometimes it can be impossible to avoid things we don't want to do. This one offers an exercise for working out how to look after yourself when … Continue reading Self consent: Self care when you have to do something hard.
Treating ourselves consensually isn’t always about avoiding the things our bodies say a loud ‘no’ to. Afterall, sometimes we just have to do things we don’t want to, and sometimes the alternative is more unappealing. We can find things difficult and unpleasant and still give our informed consent to them. Nevertheless, working out that you’re … Continue reading Self consent: when we have to do things we don’t want to
If you have spent time working through this week’s posts, then you will have the experience of writing, imagining and doing things while tuning into your body’s response. Today’s task is about working out how to fit that awareness into your wider life. This means making sure that a self consent practice works for you. … Continue reading Self consent day 7: Making time
Today I invite you to read through the instructions before starting. That way you will know what you’re going to be doing before you get started. Looking at your list, find something that you could do today – whether it is a sporting activity, listening to a song, watching a film or cuddling a pet … Continue reading Self Consent day 6 – experiencing yes
When you vividly imagine something that you want to say ‘no’ to it can be hard to move your attention after to something more pleasant. Before you start this time, figure out what you’d like to do after this exercise. You might find it helpful to go through yesterdays exercise about imagining yes before you … Continue reading Self consent day 5: Imagining no
You probably want to find a quiet place for this exercise where you won’t be disturbed. It would be helpful to have something that you can note down your feelings. Once you have settled yourself, have a look at your ‘yes’ list and select something quite different from what you have already written about. Find … Continue reading Self consent day 4: Imagining yes