Naturally enough, there are lots of things to pay attention to at different times in your relationship. This is just a prompt to think through some common things that come up at this stage: 1) Did your chemistry mask poor compatibility? One of the reasons that the move from NRE to ERE can … Continue reading Five things to pay attention to in the transition to existing relationship energy.
For a long time, I found it really difficult to identify feelings in my body. If I looked for emotions I would find a tight ball at the top of my diaphragm, but giving it a label was impossible. I could be happy, scared, angry, excited, anxious or embarrassed and the same ball sat in … Continue reading Practicing awareness of sensations
Both Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas and Healing Sex by Staci Haines talk about the concept of a sexual permission slip. Given our culture around sex and consent, you might think that this would be a document written to outline what acts you give others permission to engage in with you, but you’d be … Continue reading Sexual permission slip
The wheel of consent is a revolutionary tool, and there is no way I could possibly explain it better than Betty Martin does here. Effectively the wheel of consent, as you see above, pulls apart any instance of touch into two axes. The first is about who is doing the touch, the second is about … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent
This series talks about different ways to start negotiating sex, kink and sensuality.
For most of us, a part of life is having to do difficult things that in an ideal world we would rather aviod. The last post acknowledged that sometimes it can be impossible to avoid things we don't want to do. This one offers an exercise for working out how to look after yourself when … Continue reading Self consent: Self care when you have to do something hard.
Treating ourselves consensually isn’t always about avoiding the things our bodies say a loud ‘no’ to. Afterall, sometimes we just have to do things we don’t want to, and sometimes the alternative is more unappealing. We can find things difficult and unpleasant and still give our informed consent to them. Nevertheless, working out that you’re … Continue reading Self consent: when we have to do things we don’t want to