Negotiating sex – start with what feels safest

First-time sex with a new partner can be electric and full of lovely exciting hormones. While many people feel great about the first time/hookup sex they have, many others struggle with feeling like they didn’t express their needs, boundaries or desires and come away feeling triggered, sad or ashamed of what happened. If you already … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with what feels safest

Negotating sex – start with feelings

For some people starting with how you want to feel will seem really fluffy and not particularly helpful, but many people find starting with how you would like to feel really illuminating. For me, starting with feelings is a great tool to use in established relationships where you have previously enjoyed kinky play.  It can … Continue reading Negotating sex – start with feelings

Negotiating sex – make a sexy venn diagram

This one is going to be quick and easy to explain. Sit down with your partner and a set of sticky notes or small bits of paper. Write all the sexual or kinky acts that you can think of on separate sheets (or just in a long list if you prefer). You can come up … Continue reading Negotiating sex – make a sexy venn diagram

Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent

The wheel of consent is a revolutionary tool, and there is no way I could possibly explain it better than Betty Martin does here. Effectively the wheel of consent, as you see above, pulls apart any instance of touch into two axes. The first is about who is doing the touch, the second is about … Continue reading Negotiating sex – start with the wheel of consent

Negotiating kink – share yes/no/maybe lists

Lots of people have a level of discomfort expressing sexual needs, desires and boundaries. There are lots of ways around this, but you will already know how much I love a good list. So, here is me promoting them as an idea again. Yes/no/maybe lists are an awesome written way to avoid some of the … Continue reading Negotiating kink – share yes/no/maybe lists