Negotiating kink, sex and sensuality

Cartoon image of a white person wearing only a harness leaning over the leg of a black person in a stocking

Sex and kink are an exciting (and also sometimes scary or traumatic) part of being human for many of us. There are so many ways of exploring our sexual desires, and I’m a big fan of approaching sexuality from lots of different angles. I’ve put together a few posts that are about the different ways that I’ve enjoyed talking about sex with my people. When sex and kink are concerned, I don’t think there is ever a one size fits all. That means that some of the ways I talk about probably won’t work for you AT ALL, while others might be a great fit. I invite you to take a pick and mix approach to the suggestions.  Use what works between you, leave the ones that aren’t for you alone.

So, here are my top suggestions for starting to negotiate sex, kink and sensuality:

  1. Start with watching porn
  2. Read erotica together
  3. Share yes/no/maybe lists
  4. Make your own sexy/kinky venn diagram
  5. Start with how you want to feel
  6. Start with the context
  7. Start with erotic risks
  8. Write a story
  9. Start with the wheel of consent
  10. Start with what feels safest
  11. Map your erotic values

Do you have any ideas that you’d add to my list of starting points?


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